How different were you from your girl at her age?
How different were you from your girl at her age?
I totally know and understand that everybody is different but still I would have expected or like to be more similarities between me and my two girls. And, of course, I’m not talking about physical similarities, which are practically non-existent in both cases, like I was not there when they were conceived, but about the ones regarding behavior and interests. My girls are still young, only 5 and 7 years old, but still I can see that we have almost nothing in common and sometimes I’m really panicking that I cannot offer them what they need.
As long as I remember, my best friends were boys. In kindergarten, we were a group of four: me and other three boys. We were inseparable, sitting at the same table, playing together, annoying the teachers together. Two of them came of age and went to the big school and for one year it was just me and Alexandru. We suffered when the others left and that was the year when we showed the worst of us: every time something “bad” was happening in the kindergarten, we were the first to be called and asked if we have any contribution to it. Our favorite “naughty thing” to do was to throw mud pies on the ground floor windows. I don’t even want to think now at the poor cleaners and how many times our mothers had to apologize to them and to the teachers. And my favorite sports of all time was football. I played football all the primary and secondary school, quitting for some time as I tried to fit into the “girls world”. Last time I played football at 29, I had a very bad fall, both my knees scratched to blood and then I decided that I cannot look like this on a regular basis (implying to wear trousers all the time).
My girls are girlish all the way, starting with the pink color, that I personally I hate. I remember when I
was pregnant with the first one, all my maternity clothes were pink. I still have no reasonable explanation for how I managed to shop like this. After two years, when she started to make sense of the world, everything should be pink, even now when she’s seven. If its’ not pink, at least should have a shade of pink or pink elements. The only concession that she makes is to purple. When she was around five she made me bought a fly swatter: “Why do you want to buy it? Do you need it?” “No, but is pink and I can play with it”. The little one is following her and she had quite a good cry when I bought her white sport shoes for school that didn’t have any pink on them like the ones she had before. Have I mentioned that my favorite color is blue?
While I try to dress them in leggings and t-shirts, the most comfortable things ever invented, they are all into dresses. it doesn’t matter if they go to play in the park, in the sandpit, or a birthday party, or just for a stroll, they have to wear dresses. They have never worn jeans so far and I cannot make them wear. Even with the leggings, they still want a skirt or a dress over them. For me, I was always happy in my pants and I was very stiffed every time I had to wear a dress.
They are very much into all the princess things and I remember I dreamed of a princess dress but
just for a short time. They keep asking for all the princesses outfits and don’t get board of dressing up. My older one is more into activities when playing but the little one is so much into dolls and doll houses, doll kitchen etc. She organizes a full house and I love listening to her as she always has a story to tell with dialogues and everything, like a theater play. Maybe she’ll be a writer on day. To be honest, I don’t remember playing with dolls. I preferred the plush animals all the time and loved to spend my time drawing and coloring.
What I was never into, never curious about it and used for a very short time is makeup. The last time I wore proper makeup was at my wedding, nine years ago, and my husband said that I looked like a “happy clown”. He was not used with me wearing makeup at all, on the wedding day he saw me for the first time all done up (and no, I was not looking like a clown). Since then, my only possessions are a lipstick and a mascara. I scrapped even the eyeliner. And most of the times, I cannot find them as I always forget where I put them last. My girls are crazy about makeup. Every time they have the occasion, they get it. They are very upset because I don’t have any so they can play around. I was never attracted to use my mum’s things and I don’t really know how to tell them when they ask to use mine.
But probably, the most awkward thing is that I don’t like cuddles, kisses, hugs etc. My mum had a hard time trying to show me the “love”. I was always a reluctant receiver but never a giver. Thankfully, my husband is the same. Remember the scene from the movie “Liar, liar” when the man tells the lady “I love you” and she says “Umm…Thank you”? Yep, that’s me, that’s us. Expressing feelings is not my forte and never was but I can see that my girls really like to be hugged, kissed and cuddled. I do my best to show them in their way how much I love them but sometimes I’m afraid I’m not doing enough. The cherry on the cake was one evening, when I put them to bed and my eldest asked: “Mummy, will you kiss me?”. I left the room in tears and since them I’m trying to get every opportunity to kiss them: when I drop them off at school, when I pick them up, when I come home, when they go to bed etc.
I feel so challenged sometime and I’m afraid that I don’t understand them and I don’t treat them fair. I don’t know if is any exaggeration on their side or is normal behavior. Sometimes I think I’m not a “normal mum”, whatever this might mean. All I know is that we are very different and I have to work a lot on my side to understand their needs and to make them also understand my nature.